A Trip Abroad | Red vs. Blue

A Trip Abroad | Red vs. Blue


Simmons: Hi, I’m Dick Simmons from the popular web series Red vs. Blue. Grif: And I’m– Donut: Hi guys! Did you miss me? Grif: You can’t keep asking that every time you come back from the bathroom, man. Simmons: Yeah, dude. It’s gross. Donut: What? No! I was in Paris for three weeks! You guys didn’t notice? Simmons: Uhh… Grif: Hmm. Donut: I talked about it for months!
You helped me get tickets to the Louvre! Grif: That doesn’t sound like me… at all. Donut: Simmons drove me to the airport! Simmons: Uh, it doesn’t ring a bell. Donut: Oh my gosh. You guys were supposed feed my cat! Donut: Whiskers! Simmons: Why, that was a perfect segue to talk about a very important topic. Simmons: Etiquette when visiting a foreign country. Grif: A set of skills that will keep you from embarrassing yourself and your country overseas, Grif: And are a must in these trying times. Sarge: What’s wrong with Donut? I just saw him running away and ugly crying. Sarge: Like, really ugly. *shiver* Grif: I dunno, broke a nail? Simmons: The first step of visiting a foreign country is getting the hell out of your country. Simmons: That’s where the airport comes in. You’ll recognize it by the big sign that reads “Airport”, Simmons: and the construction that’s been going on for the last 15 years. TSA Agent: Are you carrying any weapons or anything that might be considered a weapon today, sir? Sarge: Of course! Several of them! Simmons: Never leave home without one, duh. Grif: My suitcase is just grenades! TSA Agent: Are you carrying any weapons on you today, anything that might be considered a weapon, sir? Caboose: Uhhh… Um.. No.. Caboose: Well, you might notice my suitcase, which happens to be in the *shape* of a, um… gun. Caboose: Uh… but it’s only packing bullets. TSA Agent: We’re gonna need a passenger assist over at security. TSA Agent: Four passenger assists. Simmons: Ugh, that was exhausting! Sarge: My life started flashing before my eyes! Grif: Ugh! Two whole hours! Simmons: Traumatic experiences such as long flights can be overcome with simple distractions, such as watching a censored version of your favorite R-rated movie, Simmons: Throwing peanuts at the flight attendants, or writing down great ideas you only get with a feverish brain induced by cabin air pressure. Simmons: Here’s what I wrote: *clears throat* Simmons: Perpetual motion rollercoaster; reading light in funeral caskets; Jon Lovitz. Jon Lovitz? Grif: Adult diapers, but for babies. Caboose: Clouds. Skyline. Tarmac. Grif: Did you just write whatever you saw out the window? Caboose: We weren’t playing I Spy? Grif: *stomach growling* Simmons: When contemplating where to eat on a trip abroad, it’s advised to be adventurous and try new things. Grif: That’s right! For example, McDonald’s in Greece has a Big Mac with pita bread and tzatziki sauce Sarge: The Chinese McDonald’s has black and white buns! Simmons: And McDonald’s Germany has a bratwurst sandwich! Caboose: What about places that don’t have McDonald’s? Sarge: We don’t go to places that don’t have a McDonald’s. Caboose: Why not? Sarge: It’s not safe. Value your life more, son. *distant vague inaccurate French noises* Grif: A big part of traveling abroad is making connections with the locals Grif: By displaying your friendly American ways. Simmons: Precisely. Simmons: When trying to communicate with foreigners Simmons: Remember that English might not be their primary language Simmons: So make sure to speak A HUNDRED AND FIFTY PERCENT LOUDER THAN USUAL Grif: Impress them with how better your English is than theirs Grif: In turn, they’ll be thrilled when you insist they teach you curse words in their native tongue. Caboose: Uh, guys, um, what does *bleep* uh mean? Grif: Whoa! Simmons: Oh my god! What’s wrong with you? Grif: You’re a monster! Go stand in the corner and watch your mouth you piece of shit! Grif: *stomach growling* Simmons: As Son Tzu once told us, everybody poops. And that’s just as true on vacation as it is at home Grif: But some countries have different facilities and habits than you’re used to. Grif: For example, toilets in Japan are often much smarter than the average American soldier. Grif: Equipped with heated seats, rear cleansers Grif: Automatic lids and candy dispensers for when you get hungry during a lengthy discharge. Simmons: That’s right Grif. And in Australia, the water flushes the opposite way. Grif: Upwards? So the water splashes all over your face? Simmons: Yeah, the water splashes all over your face idiot. No! I mean counterclockwise. Grif: That’s stupid. Simmons: It sure is. And other places like right here, the toilet is often outdoors, and Simmons: What? Where is it? Where’d it go? Grif: Uhh…I think that’s it. Simmons: Y-you mean the hole? Bu-but what do you sit on? Grif: Think you, if you just move, see if you just squat and turn. Simmons: Oh no way! Nevermind! I’m out! Simmons: Just hold it till you’re safely back home. Sarge: Did you boys see the toilets in this dump? Sarge: That’s it! I’m aborting this mission. We’re catching the next flight out of here. Grif: Thank God! Simmons: Great! We managed to last Simmons: Ooh! 52 minutes. Personal best. Grif: That was 51 minutes too long. Sarge: Where’s caboose? Caboose: Uhhhh guys? Caboose: I finished! Caboose: How do I come back up? *ship taking off* Sarge: Ah, it’s good to be back. Grif: Home is where your flushing toilet is. Simmons: When you finally come back home Simmons: Take a moment to look at the many souvenirs you’ve purchased at the overpriced gift shops Simmons: Even though you had a miserable time Simmons: Your knickknacks will give everyone the illusion that your trip was amazing Simmons: And better than anything they’ll ever achieve. Sarge: I got a Big Ben snow globe! Grif: We weren’t even in England. Sarge: Ah, they sell ’em everywhere. Simmons: I wonder what other travelers cherished from their brave voyages. Donut: At least I have all this French cheese to comfort me. Donut: *sniffle* It smells terrible. Simmons: On a final note, don’t forget to tell all your friends about your trip in great detail. Simmons: Even if it’s been four years! Simmons: Have a slideshow prepared and running. Simmons: Everyone would love to hear about the time you got food poisoning in Hong Kong again. Sarge: And oh that reminds me, did I ever tell you about that time I… Simmons and Grif *in unison*: Yes. Many times. Sarge: Well, you’re going to have to listen to it again! Sarge: It’s an order! Simmons and Grif *in unison*: Oh God! Sarge: Well, it was a hot August summer. Back when Florida was still around. Grif *Sarge continuing*: Ah crap. I think I forgot my suitcase in the spinny thingy. Simmons *Sarge continuing*: No, I got it for you. Don’t worry. I’d never leave a friend hanging. Caboose: Guys! Caboose: Guys! Woo, pillow. Caboose: No definitely not a pillow. Caboose: Guys you’re not gonna believe this. Caboose: The TSA is down here.

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    Sergant Donut

    I love rvb but cant watch 14 and 15 because i watch on netflix and i can only watch up to season 13 can you upload on netflix i would appreciate it alot

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    Maldus Alver

    Caboose had the most intelligent cover for TSA.
    No, just my suitcase is shaped like a gun, and it is full of bullets.

    Also I remember being scared of electric toilet seats in japan, but the heated seats is nice, there is still the squatters everywhere.

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    Pilot 11A

    Sarge-We don’t go to places that don’t have McDonald’s.
    Caboose-Why not?
    Sarge-It’s not safe. Value your life more, son.
    Hilarious!

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    BIG SEXY

    So I heard that s16 starts in April and I was wondering do we have any idea what it will be about or anything exciting going on

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    Lindsay M.

    So I came back from a 9-day school trip from the US to London, Paris, and Rome. Have to say this is uncanny timing and very true for my group that went on the tour.You forgot to mention travel by train though. Maybe another PSA on Traveling Abroad pt. 2 : Transportation. Talk about the getting a passport before the trip, waiting for the plane, taking overnight trains, packing systems and all that.

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    Itrme

    Back when Florida was still around lol, does that mean project freelancer actually got rid of the state of Florida too? XD

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    Kaiser Gibbs

    luckily for griff and Simmons they never follow orders anyway so they don't have to listen to sarges story

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    pmega derp

    when your subbed and the notification bell is on, and no new things from RvB come up, even though there are….

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    Tom Hall

    “Home is where your flushing toilet is.” My iPad just autocompleted and recommended everything after fl in flushing. Technology FTW!

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    HERES! BENDY!

    I can confirm that 15 year bit. I go on a plane at least once a year and there is always construction. None stop.

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    BennyCocoPop

    What about places that don't have mcdonalds?

    We dont go to places that don't have a Mcdonalds.

    Why not?

    It's not safe.

    that made me die in laughter xD

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    45580677

    I got to ask is Kalirama and Sarge going to hook up if so the odds are even Freelancers vs a Goddess now the Red Team can take the flag.

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    MadBox

    currently, over eleven thousand people have liked this video………
    and now there are currently 87 people on my hit-list……
    See you soon, Dirtbag

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    - BigBoy -

    Grif: You're a monster! Go stand in the corner and watch your mouth you piece of shit!
    I'm still laughing my ass off from this line months later lmao

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    Daboi 117

    Sarge: we don’t go to places that don’t have a McDonald’s.
    Caboose: why not?
    Sarge: it’s not safe, value your life son.

    Me: whatever you do, don’t go to Iceland, Bermuda, North Korea, Iran, Macedonia, Jamaica, Montenegro, Ghana, and Barbados.

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    Bowen Orcutt

    3:34 I've gotten so used to these guys being numbskulls that I thought I'd never find myself feeling compelled to say this again, but: "you're a f—ing idiot." And why the hell didn't they get Wash in on this? Or Carolina? Lord knows they could both use a vacation. Oh, wait… Most of these dips—s left for Paris; they pretty much have the whole canyon to themselves… Never mind.

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    Bowen Orcutt

    Don't worry Donut, Wash LOVES cats. AND he's gotten very good at picking up everyone else's-

    Edit: Dammit Wash, you had one job!

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    Matt Monte

    My toilet in Vietnam has a hose next to it to spray up my butt because shit is just brown water over here I try to cook American style foods but it’s not helping

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    Jack Leveille

    3:53 Simmons you should know that that's just made up. The coriolis effect doesn't effect small things like how water goes down the drain.

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