I Took Mystery Pills at Bonnaroo – Tales from the Trip (ft. Brooks Wheelan)

I Took Mystery Pills at Bonnaroo – Tales from the Trip (ft. Brooks Wheelan)


Seeing a music festival
Porta Potti will make you believe
in the government. You go in there,
and you’re like, “We need laws!” Hey, I’m Brooks Wheelan, and I’m going to tell you
about the time I took some loose pills
at Bonnaroo. They let me and other stand-ups
have artist passes, which is insane. I put it on real loose,
so I can barter. And my friend was like,
“We got to get drugs.” It didn’t take long.
It was like 40 seconds, and it was a dude
in a wolf costume, like a head-to-toe wolf. And I was like,
“We found our guy.” And so we were like, “We’ve got these two artist
passes, what will you give us?” And he’s like, literally
[inaudible 00:00:42] “Whatever.” Underneath his full wolf costume was just some mesh
basketball shorts, and he pulled out
some loose red pills. We took the two pills. Now we got to stay together,
and that didn’t happen. They like kicked in, and the sun
was going down and it was like, really beautiful.
It was amazing. I remember I just like laid down
and looked at the sun. I felt like it was like
I was absorbing its energy, which is true.
“Give me your energy, Sun God.” Then I went to go pee
in a Porta Potti, and that is
a shocking transition. Seeing a music festival
Porta Potti will make you believe
in the government. You go in there and you’re like,
“We need laws!”, because Porta Pottis
are very lawless, like no one can see
what you’re doing. And it turns out people are bad. And I left, and The Flaming Lips
start playing. Some angel came over
and gave me 3D glasses, and I was like,
“What is this going to do?” You know,
it turns out everything. I put them on and it took
everything that was cool and made like,
500 more of those. And I wanted to remember
how beautiful this looked, so in a moment
of sheer stupidity, I took off my glasses
and pulled out my camera phone, and started filming
through the glass lenses with my camera phone,
thinking that would work. And I remember a moment of shame
where a teenage girl walked by and she’s just, “Oh my God.” And I was like,
“Oh this is sad.” And so then the other band
that was playing that I walked over
to was Skrillex, and Skrillex fans
have glow sticks. Normally I see glow sticks,
I’m like, “Neat.” When I’m on these
loose wolf pills, I’m like, “Got to have them.”
And this was a time of my life when I was on
Saturday Night Live. So I went straight up to a girl
who had a package of them and I was like, “Do you
like Saturday Night Live? Because I’m currently
one of the stars.” And that’s not true. But I was on it
and I was like … She’s like, “What?”
And I was like, “I will give you two tickets
to Saturday Night Live if I can just have
a glow stick.” And she was like,
“Let me do some investigating.” Like, do you know,
pull out her phone, looked it up, she’s like,
“He’s not lying. He is.” And then I cracked
the glow stick, and it was like I had
a light saber, like I was a kid. It’s everything
I’ve ever wanted in my life. And Skrillex was so good
at computers and I was like dancing
with it … The crazy thing was
that this girl, she would text me a lot
about what episode of SNL should she come to? And then I wasn’t renewed
from the show. And I like tweeted about like, “Hey, I am not on the show
any more, whatever.” And not my mom, not my agent,
the first person to reach out was Dana from Bonnaroo,
and she just texted, “Nooooooo.” So I really feel like ultimately
I let Dana down and I … Dana, if you’re out there,
I’m sorry. To the man who was the wolf, who was, I’m positive dead now,
rest in peace my friend. Tales from the trip.

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    Nichole

    Lol this story is hilarious. Second time I heard the term "mystery pills". First time was a guy I worked woth that told me story of a girl he was on a first date with that kept taking "mystery pills" throughout the night & her behavior got weird at the end.

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    Ann Marie

    Shouts out to Dana, the real hero of this story! How are we getin' this girl to SNL? Do we need to start a hashtag? Start a GoFundMe? What's it gonna' take? I mean, she gave him the glow sticks in good faith.

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    Braden Tipping

    Brooks wheelan needs his fuckin teeth knocked in saying we need laws and the government your just a sheeple! Fuck control that's what causes anxiety if we had no one to hide from people wouldnt be scared to use eye opening substances

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    Scarlett Silver

    I grew up in Oklahoma and I am now friends with Wayne Cohen and I never realized he was famous whenever I met him 😂 but he's a really cool guy

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    FTN PPG

    Bonaroo in 2013 I took 2ci from a water bottle on accident. I drank like a quarter of the water bottle. I thought it was bad. Tasted like metal and I figured it went bad in the sun or something. My buddy put the rest of his 2ci in a water bottle because it was getting wet and moist in the bag he had. It was like 10 healthy hits. I almost died. Ended up eating grass to stay alive because I thought it would help. I ate grass for 7 hours and finally started coming back to earth and seeing straight and thinking straight after 8 hours or so. It took another day to get fully sober though. The visuals I got were fucking unreal. They were not exactly pleasant though until I stopped eating the grass 8 hours later. It was too intense at first. It got pleasant but my body was exhausted by the time the intensity lessened enough to function.

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    YourDayHasEnded

    Really dangerous and stupid to take mystery pills. Test your stuff or at bare minimum ask what it is in case you have a bad one. Stay safe !

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    Endless Ambition

    This dude traded 2 artist passes for a couple of pills probably going for like ten bucks a piece, and two tickets to Saturday Night live for a 50 cent glow stick. Dude, you got to work on your bartering skills.

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    sadv0m _

    Dude that was my first Roo! 2012! I’m surprised he didn’t notice that Skrill was literally on a mechanized SPACESHIP, like shooting laser beams and shit.
    .. or maybe that’s why he felt like a Jedi. That was a wild show. So many glow sticks just exploding in the air during drops.

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    No Body

    I took acid and cocaine once . I snorted cocaine during peak of my trip it was amazing for 30 minute after 30 minute the trip became a horrific trip with all the paranoia

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    Ryan Raab

    WOLF MAN’S NAME IS RICHARD. I KNOW THAT BECAUSE HE MY UNCLE…… what are the fucking odds….. made my night heat 🥰

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