Summer Stupidity: CHICAGO (City Review!)

Summer Stupidity: CHICAGO (City Review!)


Chicago is the third most populated city in the US, It’s a railway hub for the entire country, and it’s simultaneously the most diverse
and the most segregated city in America. Which means it’s less a city and more
a loose network of very different neighbourhoods all Voltroned together into one cohesive unit. Chicago’s been blown up six times in movies, twice by Transformers. Chicago’s got a pretty sweet train system
that’ll get you most places in the city, and only sometimes makes the news
because somebody got stabbed on it. Chicago’s got two airports
and they’re both so nice, they’ve ruined other airports for me forever. Especially New York’s LaGuardia, which delayed my flight four hours,
didn’t have any restaurants in my terminal, and threw away my official OSP water bottle
for the crime of having water in it. Midway wouldn’t treat me like this. Midway only gave me food poisoning once. Chicago allegedly has taxis, but you have to call them and if you’re doing that,
you might as well get a ride share or just drive. Driving is super easy and practical,
mostly because of Lake Shore Drive, which is the prettiest highway in the US
because it goes right by Lake Michigan with a great view of the skyline the whole way up. Chicago overall is laid out on a nice, practical grid because the city burned to the ground in 1871, which conveniently let city planners
actually plan the layout for the second draft. Take notes, Boston. Wait, Boston caught fire too? The very next year? Then why are the roads still like that? Anyway, getting around Chicago is super easy. 7/10, might bump the score up If they tone down the stabbings a little. Chicago has a lake and a river,
and they’re both very pretty until you look too close
and see all the trash and invasive mollusc species. The river goes through downtown
right by all the pretty skyscrapers, while the lakefront is mostly parks and museums
and the super bougie gold coast. Chicago’s flashiest tourist attraction is Navy Pier. Do not go to Navy Pier. It’s got a pretty ferris wheel and a nice IMAX theatre, but everything else is kitschy mini mall stuff
and parking is horrible. Go to a museum instead,
because Chicago is up to its eyeballs in museums. Chicago also has Millenium Park, which is kind of like Central Park
but smaller and next to a lake. 9/10, don’t call Sears Tower the Willis Tower. You’re technically right but nobody cares and the Chicagoans get pretty condescending about it. Chicago winter starts in September
and runs through April, leaving approximately four months
of not-horrible weather, unless your definition of horrible includes tornadoes,
because those happen sometimes too. Also, thanks to complicated global warming stuff, sometimes in the winter,
all the cold air over the North Pole slides directly onto Chicago. 3/10, why does anyone live where the air hurts their face? Where some cities have a Chinatown or a Little Italy
to spice things up a little, Chicago’s neighbourhoods are so historically segregated
it has all those things and more. If you’re feeling a specific cuisine, there is basically guaranteed to be a neighbourhood
that specialises in it. And if you’re looking for more generic fare, steak is super cheap because it’s the Midwest and there’s a surplus of cafes and bakeries. Especially in Hyde Park,
which is basically 90% book stores and coffee shops to cater to the University of Chicago crowd. 10/10, get high tea at the Drake Hotel. It’s only like fifty bucks and you’ll never feel fancier. Chicago’s got nearly three million people in it. Most of them aren’t gangsters,
not all of them like deep dish pizza, and some of them actually put ketchup on their hot dogs. I’ve never heard a Chicago accent in real life, and I’m pretty sure it’s a prank
the Midwest is pulling on the rest of the country. Every Chicagoan I’ve ever met
knows that parts of the city can be kinda rough, But all they know for sure is it’s not where THEY live. The Downtown people think it’s Hyde Park,
Hyde Park thinks it’s the farther south side, the south side narrows it down to specific blocks,
you get it. There is no faster way to make a Chicagoan roll their eyes than to express concern for their continued wellbeing because you read an article somewhere
that the air in Chicago is 27% bullets by volume. 9/10, Chicago’s not even in the top 15 cities by crime rate, and if you’d feel safe visiting Baltimore, I’ve got some bad news. Overall, I assign Chicago an aggregate score of: Surprisingly well-balanced. It’s got plenty to do and sights to see without being overwhelmingly dense or crazy. Hit up Chicago if you like steak, wearing three or more layers nine months of the year and seeing plays before they hit broadway.

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    Matt Evans

    I always struggled to think of where I'd live if I decided to live in the USA. Might be Chicago now, as long as I pick the right spot.

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    InfernoSlayer

    I live 40 miles from Chicago and I FRICKING HATE IT. I would be fine with destroying the city, good riddance

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    Kitty Cat

    Don't come to Cheyenne WY, or Wyoming in general. I lived here for 10 years now, and I can say with the utmost confidence, you will be bored. And the only interesting thing(s) is almost a day's trip a way. Literally from Cheyenne to Casper is a 2-3 hour drive of nothing! There is a reason why Prairie Fever is and still is a thing! The only time anything happens is when Frontiers Days or as most of us call it, Cowboy Con roles in and the news is fill with Tourists being stupid and trying to take a wild Bison who is bigger than they're car. And then after the tourists leave. Every is dead silent again until next year. So yeah…

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    MicMovie Studios

    Everyone complains about our weather but comes here / lives here anyway.

    It’s like being in love with an amazing person but they fart in their sleep. Suck it up and shut up about it.

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    Sept77

    Live and grew up in Chicago and yeah, you hit just about everything.
    Ps: I didnt know having all the different neighborhoods was unique to chicago, I thought every city had a street that was all Greek or Indian or what have you.

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    crispy noodle

    I, a native chicagoian, have survived the poler vortex and 100 degree heat wave in the time span of six months. Still in Chicago, not dead yet.

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    Erika Kensuke

    We don't have Giant spiders and massive snakes. That is why I live where the air hurts my face. Although the occasional -52°F in the winter isn't nice tho.

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    Major Robinson

    "If you feel safe visiting Baltimore i've got some bad news." I LIVE IN MARYLAND AND THIS IS FACTSSSSSS

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    thelazy omegawolf

    2:47 Ah Detroit, how I love living around a half hour away from the second most dangerous city in America.

    It’s not actually that bad if you go to the museums and stuff there’s a lot of super pretty things in Metro Detroit you just need to avoid certain places I swear we won’t murder you!

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    Itsashane

    I’ve been told that my family and I have a Chicago accent but even when comparing it with other accents we can’t figure out if we actually do

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    Lucas Hawley

    as a Chicagoan I have to say you are pretty spot on minus the accent. I get told wherever I go around the USA that they can hear it by the way I say my vowel, especially my A's in Chicago and Saturday

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    Head Pastor Bidoof

    Almost a Hundo% percent accurate but Chicagoans do INFACT have an accent it usually comes out when we say Chic-A-go!!!

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    Layla Cooper

    "Why does anyone live where the air hurts their face"
    Me, a Canadian: nervous sweating It's not cold all the time… mumbles just most of the time.

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    Robert simoneaux

    If you get the chance i really recommend going to new Orleans if you like cities with a unique and extremely interesting culture, vib, and history. as with most places as long as you don't go to the bad parts.
    Don't walk around at night, trust me on this, basically don't do anything stupid you should be fine, and whatever you do don't go in the summer, imagine the heat of death valley az and humidity enough to drown in and you have a Louisiana summer

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    Thomas Hernandez

    Hello! Loved the video but it would have been cool to mention that it ALSO HAS THE MOTHER BAHAI TEMPLE for the AMERICAN CONTINENT!!! Its super cool and beautiful!

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    Scott Plumer

    Chicago is the worst city I have ever driven in. Who has stop and go traffic on a Sunday morning? OK, maybe LA.

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    Ash Kingofthecats

    I live about 3 hours from Chicago and go there for concerts when there someone worth seeing and my only complaints are having to pay 15+ dollars to park if you can find a dang park spot is annoying same goes for all the dang toll booths driving into Chicago

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    julianarwen

    A lot of this can be applied to Toronto as well, in fact your comment about how Chicago is “less a city and a bunch of neighbourhoods voltroned together into a cohesive unit” is almost literally true for Toronto. It was originally 5 separate towns with the closest to the docks and densest part actually being the city of Toronto. Then later the outside parts were folded in that and PRESTO! One cohesive (but not really) city… that keeps on expanding by the day.

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    Brian van Maanen

    If you can, give my home-town of Amsterdam (the Netherlands) a try.
    Sights, architecture, history, and kinda but not really grid stuff more like layers and rings, Just look at a map/landmark and follow the water.

    Dutch weather…. we sometimes have 4 seasons in 1 day so pack your poncho or sturdy umbrella.
    People are nice and tend to be super social once you get to know them.

    Oh and weed, but that is if you are interested in that sort of stuff

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    Harmony Alexandria

    Most amazing thing about Chicago – the microclimates. You have to live there, or get really lucky, to experience it. The winters are very cold around the whole region, so that lake(which is an inland sea actual) is always cold, for a few weeks, maybe a month, it gets ridiculous hot, and the whole city is made of stone/concrete/asphalt(building code after the fire), not a cloud in the sky, but if you are by the water, you experience the occasional torrential downpour, but only for a few blocks.

    You are heading east(the lake is the eastern boundary) and see this stationary sheet of water falling from the sky, will never forget it.

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    Volvith

    Speaking of crime rates, how in the ever ungodly hell id Detroit not #1.
    It's almost literally a post-apocalyptic civilization.

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    Li Bass Master

    I still question why the bloody hell will you go the la guardia airport? Like out of all airports why la guardia?

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    Dr Whammo

    My review of Chicago, it's a nice place to visit, I like LSD (the street not the drug) I HATED LIVING THERE AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO BACK, I WILL STRANGLE YOU TO DEATH IF SAY I HAVE TO GO BACK THERE. IT SUCKED, EVERYONE WHO LIVES THERE SUCKS, THE TAXES SUCK, AGAIN THE PEOPLE SUCK. I HATE YOU

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    Funky asexual

    Red: if you feel safer visiting Baltimore I’ve got some bad news for you
    My Baltimore ass: yeah but also ow

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    MajorasMaskGuy _

    As a native of Northwest Indiana and having Chicago just a 45 minute drive away, I use the same argument about some Chicago pizzas being basically pot pies. Especially Chicago Pizza and Oven Grinders which is across the street from the real life location of The Valentine's Day Massacre. Their pizzas are do good!

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    Josue Flores

    FUCK YOU YOU'RE FUCKING WRONG HOUSTON IS SIMULTANEOUSLY THE MOST DIVERSE AND MOST SEGREGATED CITY IN AMERICA #HTOWNHOLDITDOWN

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    Craig Dillon

    WRONG —Chicago NEVER has tornadoes. DAMN get your facts straight.
    Chicago is a heat island that forces ALL tornadoes to sail harmlessly thousands of feet up.
    Lived here 70 years….no tornado EVER.
    BTW — we Chicagoans do NOT include the suburbs in Chicago.
    THEY ARE SUBURBS, for chrissake, and they get tornadoes.

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    Craig Dillon

    We Chicagoans also don't call that abortion Millennium Park, Millennium Park…..
    It is GRANT PARK – it was and always will be. Just because Daley spent 1/2 Billion dollars on his pet graft project, doesn''t mean we like it.

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    Craig Dillon

    Winter begins in December. Fall begins in September, and is very nice. Unless you're from Florida and think anything less than 80 degrees is winter.

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    Noah whitehouse

    Chicago, or as I like to call it: "the thorn in the side of every single Downstater in illinois who wants to cut it off the state map with a giant-ass hacksaw and/or wrap it up in ribbons to give to the highest bidder, be it Wisconsin or Michigan". Also, yes, I am a Downstater. An EXTREMELY PISSED OFF Downstater who sees Chicago as nothing more than cheapskates, thieves, and Nazis. I hate Chicago, okay?

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    Ryan Beering

    I tell people I'm from Chicago (really the suburbs, but whatever) and they wonder why I don't have an accent.

    Shhhhh, don't give me away!

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    cereal girl

    My sister has a disease that if her fingers or toes get too cold they will literally fall off and my parents still think it’s a good idea to live in Chicago.
    Bonus round: it’s probably just my school but this girl tried to stab me with a plastic butter knife bc I stole one of her goldfish

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    Gregory Pierce

    One comment I feel I have to make: While Navy Pier is otherwise a waste of time, it does have one feature that Red, of all people, should not have neglected to promote. The Shakespeare Theatre at Navy Pier, which has a stage and seating arranged in the style of the old Globe Theatre, and puts on as fine a performance of Shakespeare’s plays as I’ve ever seen performed.

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    Bird_Dog

    1:47
    Red, I allready knew this, but it stil amazes me that the mane your animesque avatar is drawn with isn't much of an exageration.
    Also, that's a f-ing cute picture….

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    JITCY9107

    As a Chicagoan going to school in Michigan, I cringe when I hear anyone say anything other than Sears tower. Also if you’re from the suburbs of Chicago, STOP TELLING EVERYONE OUT OF STATE YOU’RE FROM CHICAGO WHEN YOU LIVEN IN NAPERVILLE

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    Malacite1 M.P.V

    red: why would anyone live where the air hurts
    me living in Texas: I mean I live where the sun itself takes offence at your existance soooo

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    Brooklen wits

    Our public transport is great our lake is beautiful and sometimes I have to put socks on my dog so she doesn't freeze but its only once every like 3 years alright

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    Cranemaker !

    bro i'm a chicagoan and this year i LITERALLY WALKED OUTSIDE IN A TSHIRT AND SHORTS AND DIDN'T DIE IT'S 60 DEGREES IN DECEMBER confused screaming

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