The Serrano family 46 episode (Santi the gigolo)

The Serrano family 46 episode (Santi the gigolo)

Hi Marcos, how’s London?
I hope you’re well.
Everything’s the same here.
Actually, everything except for Gille.
Since they called him no-beard in school,
he’s been shaving constantly
trying to grow something.
Tete is very tall and pretty.
She stopped stuffing her bras.
Toilet paper can finally last.
But dad says that’s a bad sign.Tete, that skirt is too short.
– What are you talking about, that’s in. Leave us for a moment. 25 centimeters.
You can’t leave the house without 40. Diego! – Go change.
– Here Barbie!Eva was very sad when you left.I got the impression that you were
her favorite brother.
But she’s better now and
she’s going out with her friends a lot.
And she broke up with the gunman.
She’s single now.
Mom, what are you doing home?
– Nothing. – Let’s go out.Lucia’s a bit worried about grandma.
She’s rarely going out.
But who remembers you the most is dad.
He keeps talking about you with uncle.
He gets so mad when the other calls you lazy.He says he’s the only one allowed to call his sons
like that because he’s the father.
Write to us. Whenever we get a letter
of yours we get excited.
Santi says it’s emigrant syndrome.
Kiss, Curo.
Dear family,
London is fine.
It doesn’t rain that much and people
are nice.
“Nice”, as they say here.I live in a big and bright apartment.The best part is it’s
incredible view.
I spend hours watching London
from my room.
I got a job in a multinational company.They appreciate me very much and
there’s a chance for promotion.
I speak English very well.I listen to the language all day
from my roommate, TV…
Chuki and Raul are coming
for a visit this weekend.
Since there’s plenty of room, they’re
staying with me.
And I’m an expert in kitchen.You have no idea how many dishes
you can make without oil.
Send me some slippers.
I started going to the pool
and I don’t want to get any bacteria.
Don’t worry, I’m doing great.
I miss you so much.
Love, Marcos.
See how your kid is doing fine.
– He’s become a man. He was a musician here, you send him
to London and he becomes successful. That’s right. And if one of these
is not good, send them across the sea and done.
– You said it well, Santi. Did you hear Gille?
If you don’t pass everything this year I’m sending you to your brother.It’s typical for us that good news
soon become bad ones.
If you don’t believe me, look at Gille.Without doing anything, he got
himself in a big trouble.
THE SERRANO episode 46
“Santiago the gigolo” Gille, I talked to
Fernando, the psychologist. He gave you something for your dad
on Monday. – What did he give you? A report.
– Ah, yes, I forgot. I’m so busy, studying mathematics… – Give me that. Let go of it! What’s this? Okay, what’s this?
– Like a comic. Lucia, the kid put a comic in
a math book. This is a work of professional.
– Is the report in there? What were you thinking? You just
started school and already with the problems? Here it is. Gillermo Serrano… “Tendency of asocial behavior is noticed.” What’s asocial?
– I’ll explain it to you because you’re my son. It’s there in the word, there’s…
It’s not good. “Besides, he’s enjoying bad
results in school.” Well you’re enjoying being bad at school. I haven’t done any tests yet.
– How could you when you’re reading comics! Okay, calm down. Math test is yet to come. We’ll give you that chance.
– Diego, don’t worry, at least one kid in this
house is passing everything. Diego, don’t worry, Barbie is passing
for sure. You’re making fun of your sister… You’re mocking her for being smarter.
Fermin is right. You enjoy bad grades.
If you don’t pass, I’m taking drastic measures.
– Like father did. When we’d hand him our grades he
would take of his belt and hit us once for every F! It didn’t really work on you.
– Eva! Gille, you have to pass this.
If we need to pay for private lessons, we’ll do it,
anything you need to pass! Oh yeah, waste money. – Your uncle’s
right but I have an idea. Uncle Santi and I will
give you lessons. Yes. Because the two of us
know math. Honey, you don’t know how
much I’ve missed you. I didn’t swim across the Panama canal
to drown. It’s not that canal.
– That one and Suez. I’m going to the toilet. See? We haven’t seen each other
for a week and he’s all crazy. He was like that before he left.
– Photos from London… Is Marcos in them?
– Yes. He’s here with some chick. We’re at a party here. Give me that.
– I’ll return these to him. And you and I are going. Honey! I’ve missed you even
while I peed. I couldn’t wait to come back.
– Don’t tell me it was that hard. You must’ve met someone.
– Oh no, Englishmen are cold. And English women?
– I don’t know, I haven’t met any. This wan was quite drunk.
More drinks, and she would walk out on her back.
– But that’s not an English woman. She’s and exchange student.
Markos’s friend. I have nothing with her. If it were up to her,
there might’ve been something. But I respected you. Raul, that’s okay. You can tell me. Or you think I would get mad because you hooked up
with some chick you’ll never see again? Who do you think I am?
– I am crazy about you. Why do I need a foreigner?
– Raul… You think I’d mind? I just couldn’t stand you lying me. But if you’re honest, I don’t
care about anything else. C’mon, silly…
You hooked up, didn’t you? Tell me.
– Well… a bit. Now we’re talking. How was it?
Hooking up in a club? Oh, nothing special.
She went home, I went to Marcos’s. Raul…
– Although… it was scary. I lost my keys and I had to
go to her place. You had to sleep with her?
– I slept on the floor. But it was cold so I had to lay next to her. And when we did…
well, when you look for me you find me. And… you didn’t get mad, did you… You told me to tell you if I
hook up, that I can… I don’t mind you hooking up,
but you lying to me! But I told you the truth!
– Now! You’re a liar and a bastard! And you can put your soldier
wherever you want from now on! Coffee… You’re awfully quiet. Who are you gossiping about?
– No one. We’re looking the photos from the Medinasela excursion.
– Look how handsome Goya’s boyfriend is. No, no, not a boyfriend.
A friend. As my granddaughter says, ‘friends
with benefits’ Shut up, someone will hear you.
– If at this age someone wants a ‘benefit’,
we won’t mind. You seem a teenager.
And at that age… You need more dignity.
– Dignity? You have plenty of those at the cemetery.
We need to have fun. And you need to go out more. You’re so lazy.
– Not at all. I just have no time for silly things. What’s silly is being a living dead.
– When was the last time you had fun? That’s right. Home-market and vice versa. Your husband passed away long time ago.
– Get over it already. You’re all alone…
– You can’t really say that. Do you have someone?
Who is it? Well someone. A man.
– A friend? Yes. No, boyfriends.
And it’s serious. Oh, why did you keep quiet all this time.
What’s he like? When did you meet? How?
– Well, a few months ago. Three. We don’t believe you. I didn’t say anything before because
he’s younger. He’s not from nursing home. How much younger? Is he handsome?
– Well, handsome-handsome, no. I think he’s rather ugly. But he’s masculine and vital. And his clothes… he has no style.
But I’m trying to fix him slowly. And what does he do?
– He owns a tavern… – And what’s his name? Santiago.
– Oh! You’re introducing us! Whenever you want. Madrid – Villareal.
– 2. – What do you mean 2? Why do you ask then, Fiti?
Villareal is the champion. Raulito… let’s see the predictions,
we need to het rich too. What is it? You’re all down. Dad’s here for you. Tell me what’s wrong? Something with the kid huh?
You had a fight? She left me.
– But… impossible. How could she leave you? Just like that? You must’ve done something.
Admit it. Well, I hooked up with somebody.
– Damn it! Why did you look for another girl? I don’t know. You know me.
When I see a good chick, I loose control and everything goes
to hell. – Aren’t you with Africa? Yes. – Don’t you love her?
Then why did you sleep with someone else? I don’t know… And how did she find out?
– I told her. – You idiot. But son…
– What? It’s not okay hooking up
with another girl, but to admit you did it,
that’s for idiots. I know what happened. She got you with
the story about honesty, and you bought it like an idiot. There are three rules when it comes
to women. First: never… never tell your woman you
hooked up with someone else. Even if there are hidden cameras,
photos, anything… don’t admit. Second: your woman is not your friend. Don’t let her seduce you. Love yes,
friendship never. She’s never your friend.
– Not a friend… And third: you ask for forgiveness
every day. What if I didn’t do anything wrong?
– Don’t worry, you did for sure. Even if you don’t know what.
Let asking for forgiveness become your habit. That’s the only cure when it comes to women.
– But… she’s all I think about. Do you know why she left you?
– Of course. – You don’t. Because you didn’t commit,
because you went from flower to flower. First tulips, then daisies…
And she wants you for herself. Leave the mystery, bring her home, let her sit with us on the sofa.
– Afrika’s not one of those. All of them! All of them are one of those. They pretend to be modern but
they want what their grandmothers had. They want commitment and maturity.
Listen to me. Bring her today. Did you study for the test?
– No. I’ll get a lousy E. Are you giving private lessons?
– Yes, in math. You know someone who needs it?
– Me. – You’re a geek, you’re one of those who pass everything.
– But… Tete, you’re worse than ever.
– He’s gorgeous. You don’t like him, do you?
– You go for it. I’m just studying now, I have no time for love. Impossible. I’m failing and
eating the brush for sure. Why, this is the first test.
You’ll have a chance to redo it. I know, but something got all over
my dad, and if i don’t pass it now, he’ll be at my neck all year long.
– Then swap the test. Well of course. I’ll swap it
with the Giraffe. But I have to distract Lucia for that.Umberto’s so handsome.
Focus, Tete.
Do you know someone who needs
lessons? – Me.
You’re a geek.
You pass everything all the time.
I’ll show you how I’m passing all the time.
I’ll fail if I want to.
And I’ll get the worst grade.
Okay, let’s not get too crazy.
Giraffe is filling all in.
I’m getting the best grade here.
– Yes.STUPID STUDENTLucia… just a moment. I was counting I don’t get it… Bellido, that’s a problem we’ve
been doing for 2 months. Gille! Are you done?
– I’m really an idiot. I missed the one I know the best.CLUMSYMiss, I have to go to the bathroom.
– Not until you’re finished. Next time, bring diapers. Do your tests.
5 more minutes. Going to the final solution.
THE FINAL SOLUTIONGod! Nobody moves! I’m watching you! Careful!No more Mari Tere, here
comes little Serrano.
Somebody here knows what’s
just happened? We were in the classroom.
– And where do you think you’re going? Out, I’m done.
– Go out. Done, class dismissed.“First excellent grade in my life.
And Giraffe’s failing.”
Gille, a four. – Only a four?
I did everything to pass. You were close this time. Make more
effort, you’ll pass the next one. And Tete? You forgot to add a zero – No. She got a one.
– What? Only one? Impossible. It’s impossible you didn0t pass.
– It’s her first time. And Gille got a better grade.
– It had to happen sometimes. She spends so much time with him…
Everything is contagious but beauty. It could’ve been the other way around,
Gille getting smarter, but they had to be stupid together.
– Math is hard. I don’t really get it this year.
– That’s what I’m saying. Shut up you scum, you don’t
care if it’s math or manicure,
you won’t pass it anyways. I could use some private lessons
too. – Okay. If you need some help we’ll
pay someone. – I can find someone. There’s an ad at the board.
– Or call Begona from 4th. We know her, we can trust her.
– Lucia, we don’t need ads. Santi and I will give lessons to both
her and Gille. And that’s it. How can they give me lessons?
– Why not? We add things in the tavern all day long.
Watch this… 3 hams, 3 snacks, 3 sodas,
1 portion of ham and tortilla. 2500 pesetas : 15,5 euros.
– See? We know math. We’ll give you lessons in the
afternoon. When’s your retake? Day after tomorrow.
– There’s time. What are you doing now? Mine. Wait, Angelita, I can’t hear you. I’m coming for a coffee this afternoon.
– Tell her to bring her boyfriend. Bring your Romeo.
We want to meet him. No way, he’s working all day today.
– Yes of course, we knew it. I’m sure he’s not coming.
– What’s that supposed to mean? I can hear you laughing. – Listen,
you are hiding that boyfriend of yours so much… If you were lying about him,
that’s okay. Tell us the truth and that’s it. We won’t be mad. If you’re single, well, you’re single. I’ll try to convince him but I can’t
make any promises. 5.30 at Oklahoma coffee place. See you. What a surprise Fiti, what are
you doing in the tavern? I’ve been working all day, can’t I have
a beer? –That’s what I’m saying, and they keep making me work like a slave.
– Fiti earned it with the sweat from his face.
You have no sweat and no face. Hi, Santiago.
– Hi, Lou… Lourditas. Santi, you get all lost.
– Don’t be stupid. – You like her. You start stammering like all the
Serranos. – So what? What if I like her? Lourditas honey, control yourself,
you’re undressing him with your eyes. What are you talking about. Always joking. – Leave the jokes aside and
tell us what’s happening between you two. Respect and friendship.
– Aha. Forget about respect.
You’ll be late. Late, what?
If she wants something she can come to me. Santi, for the love of God,
what do you mean Lourditas can come to you first? Why not?
– Because she’s a woman. Forget about the 21st century, they want
us to make the first move. If it’s with poems and flowers,
even better. What do you expect? That he’ll
come to you with poems and flowers? Lourditas, those things don’t exist anymore.
– Girls are the ones making the first move now. She’s waiting for you. And eagerly.
C’mon, go get her. You’re right, I0m going to attack. Santiago, there’s something important
I have to tell you. Now’s not the moment. Another time. Santiago there’s something I have to tell you. Since you’re an experienced,
worldly man… It’s because of these girls,
the friends I0m going out with. Girls? You mean ladies?
They’re all under 70. We were talking and a topic about partners
popped up. If I had one… And you said you have plenty.
– But they were really persistent and they confused me so I told
them I had a boyfriend. And why did you lie?
I had to tell something, and since I was looking at you…
Now they want to meet you. Me? Why me?
– Don’t make this hard on me. I’m asking you a favor. Can you pretend
to be my boyfriend? What are you saying? You’re crazy!
– It’s simple. We just have to sit with them for a while
this afternoon. A white lie. Why did you have to lie?
Besides, it’s unacceptable. No one will believe it, no one!
I never faked anything. I have so much work to do and you…
For God’s sake! You’re right. I’m really an idiot.
I don’t even know why I asked. I should tell the truth.
I got myself into this. Who am I kidding?
I’m a bitter, lonely old lady. I’m all alone and
that’s how my life will end. But you’re not so bad for your age. Besides, you’re alive, that’s
a big thing. – Thank you Santiago. Don’t worry, I understand I’m asking for too much.
That’s my problem. Thanks for listening to me.
– Wait a minute… When do I need to be there? Thank you so much!
It means a lot to me. C’mon, lesson one. We’re passing
this test. Are we a team?
– Aha. – Yeah right. Diego, borrow me a tie.
– Right away. Let me solve this for the kids and I’ll do it.
Lucia said this will be on the test. Listen: a car starts in Barcelona
and their speed is 70 km/h. – That’s kind of slow. Santi, stay out of it. At the same time, a car from
Malaga goes at the speed of 400 km/h. A car from Malaga goes 40 km/h. If there are 1196 kilometers
between the two cities, where will the two cars meet? Look what the book says.
This is a bit complicated. We better use the scientific method. These go from Barcelona,
these from Malaga… Where do they meet? Nowhere. The Catalonian will go to France and
this one to Morocco. Santi, this is a hypothetical issue. It’s just an assumption that the
cars would meet. Kids, careful… This one goes 70, and the other one km/h. Which one is Catalonian?
Salt shaker or the cup? I’m going 70 km/h ?
– No, me, you’re going 40 km/h. And why is this one from Malaga going 40?
Why am I slower? Because the one form Barcelona is
going 70. You’re going 40 km/h. No! Why can’t I be the one from Barcelona? Whatever.
– Not to me! Here, you go from Barcelona! C’mon you go faster.
Ready? Where are you running? We said a step… Don’t be annoying, I’m slower. Are you okay over here?
– Yes, of course. Are we or are we not a team? We knew Raul was dumb.
– No, he’s an idiot. The most immature person I know. He’s starting to drive me crazy.
I’m sick of that idiot Raul! Calm down a bit.
– I can’t stand him. I’ll leave him but I’ll show him
first. We’ll break up, but I’ll teach him a lesson first.
– He got that from the slap. That will be like caressing.
I’ll embarrass him so much… He won’t dare to show his face.
He’ll wonder around like crazy. And I have it all planned. I’ll let him think everything’s fine at first, and then I attack! I’ll make a fool
of him in front of the entire class. You will be able to hear the laughter
all the way to his house. What’s with you today? Raul hooked up with another girl.
He’s a pig and everything… But what did you expect of him?
Besides, you’re crazy about him. No way. I don’t even notice him. Okay, I like him. But he’s an idiot
and I’ll get back at him. You did.
Don’t look at me like that, you hooked up with that Swedish dude.
Gunther. You can’t compare that, Eva.
We just kissed once. Or two and three times, and fooled around a bit.
– Then you’re equal. Fix it with him before it’s too late.
– Shit… It’s over, Eva. I keep messing up. And now I really messed up, the
things I’ve told him… I even hit him.
– Twice. He doesn’t care about me.
– He does, don’t worry. – No. It’s over.
This is more dead than a dead person. Raul, hi. Afri, I wanted to apologize. – What? Yes, I’m really sorry.
I’m insensitive and an idiot. I’ll go to death with you if I have to.
I’ll commit. Give me another chance. Raul, I don’t know what to say. What you did was horrible.
– Afri, I know I’m the worst. But I was thinking…
we could talk, meet and have dinner.
And commit. I don’t know if I can. Tonight at 10?
– We’ll see. I… love you. Girl! Did you hear that? Dinner at his place!
I’m sure his parents will be out. You could bring something.
Wine, sea food… As if we need it. We’ll go straight to dessert. Santi! Love!
– Hi. What’s with the greeting? Don’t be
shy, you won’t scare us. Such a cavalier. So lucky. It’s hard to find a man who
respects his woman nowadays. Yes, respect… Carmen, I have to go.
– But you just got here. Santiago, these are my friends.
Angelita, Andrea and Goya. This is Santi. – You said he was young
but not this young. And that he’s ugly, but he’s not as much as we thought.
– You said he dressed horribly, but he seems nice to me. – Carmen told
us where you two met. Aha. In the tavern? No, Santiago, the opera…
– Ah, yes… But you came by the tavern first. I always have a drink before going to the opera. He said it was love at first sight. Yes, but you noticed me first. –You too. Yes, but you looked at me
with sinister intentions. You made the first move. Because you kept quiet because
of the age difference. Although, what you said was nice, that you’ve never been with a woman
like me. – I haven’t. I haven’t and I won’t be.
– If you keep it up like this, maybe you’ll make it official.
– Who knows? – Official… Well, a lot of pensioners here but
I have to go back to work. Before you leave Santiago, we usually go to the trips with
people from the parish. Maybe you’d like to come to the next one. Hi. Africa!
– Yes, I’m your continent. I cna0t wait for you to explore me.
– Afri… Finally! We’re starving.
We almost started without our guest. Guest? – I told him to invite her
. Why? – He’s in love.
I can sense a wedding here. Come in, pretty. Feel free…
– First I’ll make him think everything’s ok,and then I’ll embarrass him in front of
the entire class.
So, this is the chick that wants to make
fun of my baby.
Come in.
– Something smells bad. It’s me. I brought crabs. That explains it.
– Sit, let’s have dinner. No, put me some of that too.
– You hate sea food. No I don’t. – You don’t get it.
He’s been raised nicely. He wants to try it because
his girl brought it. I want to try it. If I don’t like it,
we’ll use the shell for the soap. Or an ash tray.
– Let him try.What’s with this one? A domineering mother?
Stop controlling him.
How can you know what he likes.
And stop bending, you’re showing everything.
Nothing, let’s start… I’m so sorry, it was a lovely dress.Lovely for some places, her
boobs were falling out.
But you’ll get yours.What does this one want?
She did it on purpose.
– Bitch!
It was lovely. So sorry about the dress.
Put some bleacher.Maybe it bleaches completely.
– Everything was delicious. Thanks for having me.
No way I’m coming back.I have an excellent idea.
You should come to paella tomorrow.What?– You’ll flip over mom’s paella. I don’t know if I can.
– You’re family now. Don’t push her, maybe she doesn’t want to.
Maybe she’s seeing someone too. Yes, I’d love to but I don’t want to
take advantage of your hospitality.
Don’t you worry about that. – It’s a deal then. You’ll see what’s a real paella tomorrow. Dangerous… This one comes from Barcelona 70 km/h. And this one from Malaga 40 km/h…
– Diego, you’re still doing that? C’mon, leave it, it’s late. It’s 2 already.
– I’m almost done. I have it right here, just a moment more.
One 70, the other 40… Diego, leave it, it0s complicated
– Lucia, you don’t get it. The kids need me.
They are relying on me to pass. I can’t fail them.
Ok, Gille’s an idiot, but it’s unacceptable to let
Tete become stupid. Father has to intervene.
– I was thinking… It’s better if we hired a teacher.
You’re very busy, you have things to do, and Tete says there are many ads…
– So, Tete distrusts me? I knew it.
– Diego… – I knew it… Distrust. You don’t trust me.
– What are you talking about? I’ll give it to you straight.
When you were in Barcelona, Sergi used to explain math to
your daughters. – Diego! Sergi got an award in economics. That’s what I wanted to hear, I’m
a guy who has a tavern, I don’t know that. Okay… Tete can take lessons but I’m explaining
it to my son. And one more thing… My son Gille
will pass that test. If I have to, I’ll take my car and
solve the task. Go get the car.
– Yes.We have to pass the test.
If one goes from Barcelona…
“I knew it had to be me who
started in Barcelona. Stop whining, you’re going 70 km/h.
Where are you? I just got out of Barcelona.
I’m going by the coast. –Are you crazy? Go to the highway.
– No way! The pay tolls are enormous! Catalonians are bastards.
– Don’t be cheap Santi. If you don’t get on the highway,
we’ll never meet. Why are you honking? Pass already!
I’m going 40 km/h, it’s a task! Everyone’s honking, Santi.
– Diego, this was marked wrongly. You’re going in the opposite direction.
You’re going abroad. That’s what you get for taking the village roads. Wait Santi, they’re pulling me over. Good afternoon. Documents?
– I can’t stop, I’m solving a math problem.
– You are driving and talking on the phone. – You didn’t put your seatbelt on
and you’re going 40 km/h on a highway. Let me explain. I’m going 40 because the
task says so. No, how can I stop?
This is a task and a dream. If I stop now I won’t meet
my brother.” I won’t meet…I’m solving this or my name’s not Diego.
But tomorrow.
Hello, Umberto? Not now, but later. Better at your place. Okay, then my place.
See you at 6. I’m still waiting for an explanation for
that 1. – What? Listen kid. When I swap tests with
a geek, I expect to pass at least.
– You’re really an idiot. That’s why I didn’t get more than 1. Joke’s on you kid. Good afternoon. Gille, hurry. We have our second lesson. Have you solved the car task?
– It’s done. And you son always trust your dad.
Don’t be like others in this house. You know something, Santi? Tete hired
math teacher. A… what kind of Spanish person thinks
they need help from others. Exactly. Tete,
you don’t trust me. Diego, it’s not that I don’t trust you… – No, hire
someone, we’ll see how it goes. Gille will pass, I guarantee him that. Hi.
– Hi Carmen. Talk. Fast and no touching.
– What are you talking about Santiago? You act crazy and you know
where to find me when you need me. And the kiss…
I washed my mouth 100 times after that. You act crazy but you know
I’m your candy. I did it because I had no choice. Besides, you won’t be seeing them again.
– Even better. I’m sick of those vultures. And now excuse me, I
have something to do. What are you two doing in here?
– Old one needed toilet paper. C’mon now… Who did you have a date with yesterday?Santiago, it’s time to decide.No, a bit more delicate.Santiago, if you are my husband
and I your wife.
No, not that either.– Oh what happiness,
I’m in God’s temple! Hi Lourditas. What do you want? – A? To go to the restroom. Both of you act like you’re off to a slaughter.
Love doves… What are you talking about, Lourditas
wants nothing with me. How do you know? Did you do any of
the things I told you to yesterday? Make a fool of myself? Oh please.
She should come to me. Her? If we wait for a nun to come to
you… nasty Santiago! Hi! What are you doing here? – We went to ten taverns
and finally found you. Parish trip is later.
We’d like to invite you to come with us. All partners are coming.
You’re with Carmen, right? Yes, but I don’t do trips.
– Did something happen to you two? Are you in a fight? – I hope not.
Poor Carmen. I hope you’re not giving her
false hope. You’re not cheating, are you?
– No. How can I cheat on Carmen? I love her a lot!
– So? – Nothing. And everyone should know… I’m in love with Carmen!
– What a coincidence. Hi Lourditas. She’s
our guide on the trip. We’re convincing Santiago to come.
– Don’t try to convince me, I won’t go. You hooked up with grandma?
You’re so desperate! I felt sorry for her. She asked me to
pretend to be her boyfriend. If only you saw Lorditas when she heard
about Carmen. – Shit! Now she’ll think I’m
a seducer of mummies. Oh no, this is good.
She’s jealous. You know what you need to do?
To start with Carmen, and finish with Lourditas.
– How do you do that? Go to Cuenca with grandma,
pretend to be her boyfriend. Since Lourditas is coming,
she’ll suffer. You should’ve seen her.
Candela was like Gestapo. She supervised me.
What a witch. You’re overreacting. – No I’m not.
I was scared of her. She looked at me like this the whole night.
– Candela’s brilliant, don’t worry. She is? She almost put me on a
lie detector. Candela’s lovely, really,
give her a chance. – Good afternoon. Oral examination.
Africa… to the board. Ancient Greece: important points. I don’t have the whole day, Africa.
– Gods. Okay gods. You could’ve said money, democracy… But you chose gods.
Enlighten us about gods. You need help? Greek gods were unstable.
They had partners, but they liked changing them.
You understand that? – Yes. Africa, tell us a name of a God. No names? Aphrodite at least. Aphrodite was a goddess of love,
free love. She had a husband but she loved
cheating on him with everyone. She was a bit easy.
What they call a slut today. You knew that right?
Did you study that? – Not that. Not that or anything else.
If you have nothing else to share with us, zero. Sit. Salas, take off your headphones and come here. Democracy, your interpretation. What a mother you have.
She really has it for me. That’s because of the others.
It’s the same with me, that’s why I always fail. The worst she is with you,
the more she loves you. Africa, another zero.
If you keep it up, I’ll kick you out. Calm down. At paella tonight
you’ll win her forever. Africa, don’t go to that dinner. What is it? What did Santiago do?
Did you approach him? It was awful. I shouldn’t have done anything. He already has a girlfriend.
– Santiago? He does? Who? I can’t say, it’s a secret. – You can tell me. C’mon, who is it?
– No. Talk or you know what happens.
– It’s Carmen. – Carmen who? Lucia’s mom. Unbelievable. If you couldn’t do it, okay,
but don’t lie to me. That’s not nice. Don’t say that…
– It’s true. They’re going to the trip. Today. And I’m the guide.
– Santiago’s coming for you. No. – Yes, listen to me.
I want to see you take action there. What? To interfere in a relationship?
I’m a moral person. There’s no relationship, leave that aside.
Focus, and go get him. Otherwise he’ll run away. I know what you’re talking about.
How did it go with Santiago? There’s no help, don0t ask. She says Santiago’s with your mother. Yes, they really get along great.
Oh, I’m sure we’re having a wedding. People say all kinds of things.
– But don’t worry, Lourditas will steal him on a trip in Cuenco. Candela, the thief thinks everyone’s
a thief, I’m not going to that trip. A trip? My mom’s taking a trip? – Yes. So Santi and your mom are…
The last girlfriend he had was during World cup in ’82.
– That’s an excuse not to get to him. Diego…
– Santiago, despite everything, I’m really grateful you met
with my friends. I know how hard it was for you.
– It wasn’t that bad. If there’s a relationship than it
should be done. – They’re in a relationship. Lourditas was right. They’re in a
relationship. And it’s not a fling. How much do I owe you?
For yesterday and expenses. This is no relationship but business.
My brother is a cheap gigolo. I don’t want your money. – And he’s stupid.
He does the work and doesn’t take the money. Your friends were at the tavern and
told me about the trip in Cuenco. I decided to come.
– What? You can’t come. What do you mean I can’t come? Are you embarrassed of me? Isn’t there a relationship between us,
a commitment? I’ll respect that, I’m going to Cuenca. Lucia, they’re in a relationship!
The nun is right. That’s impossible. Don’t worry I’ll talk to them
and tell them I left you. You left me? You! No can’t do!
No one would believe that. No, ma’am, no,
whatever you’re doing, I’m going to Cuenca this afternoon
as your boyfriend. – You’re not my boyfriend! Why do you care about going to Cuenca with
me? – For nothing. And you know nothing about equations?
– No, nothing. And dividing?
– What’s that? And here I thought you were a geek.
We’ll need more classes. As many as necessary. We’ll have classes
until I reach my goal. Read this, I’ll go to the bathroom. Yes…
– My mom and Santi? Impossible. Yes Lucia.
But just because she’s paying him. My mom looks good for her age. Yes, but Santi is a candy.
– There must be an explanation. Let’s not go crazy about that.
I’ll go check up on Tete. Are you having a class with Begona? How’s it going?
– Good, I’ll tell you later. Honey… don’t worry.
I’ll talk to Diego. You focus on math.
I know it’s hard. Mom, it’s nothing.
And go now, Begona will come any second. Your room is all messy.
You look so pretty. You did your lips.
– A bit. – That’s what I like. Hang in there. Hi
– Umberto, what are you doing here? Wait a minute. Let me just talk to Tete
and then you’ll come in. I ran into Begona in the hall.
She’s changed. She’s a man now. And exactly the man you like.
– There’s an explanation. Begona said she couldn’t come. So I
took the first ad. I didn’t know it was Umberto.
– You didn’t know huh? – For sure. You’re telling me that it’s a coincidence
you got a 1 for the first time and you take classes from the boy you
like? Coincidence? Yes. I mean, no. But he’s so handsome.
-Are you crazy? Do you know the fight I had with
Diego because of you? You’re studying with him from now on.
Tell this one to leave. How much do we owe him? Tete, how much?
– 20… – 20 euros? For one class? You’re paying that.
– Okay, but let him stay. Or no? Here we are. Remember what I told you? – I remember. I need to make Lourditas
jealous. – How will you do that? I’ll tell I’m having
a crisis with Carmen. That’s right, an excuse of a married men.
“My woman doesn’t understand me, it’s not working between us.” Look sad and tortured. When she’s roasted… Finish her.
– Yes. – C’mon, get in. C’mon, Santi, get in.
– C’mon, Santi. Take a card.
– And where’s Lourditas? She called last night to say that she doesn’t
know if she’s coming. – Weird, she always comes. C’mon, hurry.
– But we miss one person. We can’t wait. Here she is.
– Good. I thought I wouldn’t make it.
– You’re here. Give me that. Nice trip. I’ve never been to Cuenca.
It must be a nice town. If the prince could go there…
– I know you’re with Carmen. Yes, there is a lot of respect between
me and Carmen. Santi… sometimes I think about you and
me and how close we were, and now there’s another woman.
And there’s nothing we can do. Actually, between Carmen
and me… it’s not that simple. It’s hard, we fight.
She doesn’t get me. Lourditas, if you’d like…
– What? To be your mistress? Respect my feelings and respect Carmen. Africa, I’m sure you were scared of this
moment, dinner with us, all the fuss about mother-in-law…
And since you haven’t been together for so long, maybe you don’t know what you want yet.
– Oh no. I love Raul very much. Look at them… What do you think about paella?
– It’s great. Actually, Africa doesn’t like paella.
– No, I like it. Don’t be shy, if you don’t like it
we’ll prepare something else. Sure, you just ask.
– No, I love it. We’ll fry an egg, don’t get
sick. – No, I like it. I wouldn’t eat it every day but I
can occasionally. And I’ll eat as much as necessary.
– You really like sticking a fork. And going from dish to dish.
Today pastry, tomorrow paella… But we do things differently in this house. Here, we eat paella every Thursday. And always the same. And we don’t get a bad stomach.
We like having the same paella over and over again. Mom, she’ll try to love it. – You shouldn’t try! You either like paella or you don’t!
If you don’t like it then don’t eat it. No one’s making you come eat it.
Give me that. I want my paella! Look, now you spilled!
– It wasn’t on purpose. Candela, what do you have against me?
What have I done to you? Don’t act innocent.
We know what is on your mind. And I know you don’t want me in your home
and don’t worry, I got it. Go, hurry, eat a fillet before someone
else grabs it. Are you crazy? She’s my girlfriend.
-She’s not good for you! She’s the woman of my life!
– She’s not good for you , you’re an idiot. You don’t know her. – And you do?
I decide who I’m with! Raul!
– Leave me! What do you have to say?
– Me? I’m off to the tavern, now’s not
the time to talk. Yes, I’m calling Santi and he’s not picking up.
He must be in Cuenca by now. I’m coming home later,
I have some work. Bye. Fiti… don’t you have a family
dinner? – I did. What are you doing?
– I’m teaching Gille math. They gave us an impossible task
with cars. -Cars? Tell me, I’m the king there. Where will the cars meet if there’s
1196 km between Malaga and Barcelona? There’s a trick. You can tell
they want to mislead you. Where will the cars meet? The answer is: Nowhere. What do you mean nowhere? If the intend to do so…
– The car going 40 km/h will die. No way he gets to Barcelona,
he’ll be dead in Malaga. So they have to meet?
– Let me explain this again. In math you make assumptions. Okay, they meet. But you need
to take into consideration traffic jams. If you’re on the road by the sea…
– Fiti, no traffic jams. No? But you’re on the half of the
road. And the line at paying the toll… Fiti, no line, no toll.
Understood? – Gille, calm down. I have a practical mind.
I work with real issues. If a task is not like that I can’t
do it. – Listen. Gille’s right. This is a hypothetical problem,
get it? So you need to tell where the cars meet.
Alicante? Murcia? Understood. You should’ve said it was hypothetical
right away. I think it’s Alicante.
– No way, Murcia the farthest. If his engine doesn’t die by then.
– Wait a minute… – Dad, leave it. We’ll never solve it.
I’m not passing this one either and that’s it. No son. I’ll solve this
even if I had to walk. I’ll go to math school if necessary.
But you’re passing. Yes, wait a minute. It’s Candela. Hi Candela. I’m preparing tests for tomorrow. What’s with you woman?
What are you saying? Africa’s cheating on Raul? Calm down a bit. You or her?
No, that’s not calm. Explain it to me already… Damn. Two cars! What are you doing here? Don’t look, that’s your mother!
Get out you pervert! Gille… Nothing happened here. What happened here?
– Nothing. That’s right. Now go. Lourditaas, open up ,it’s me. Go away, Santi.
– Open or I’ll break the door! Let me in. I have to clarify so many things Nothing. Go sleep with your girlfriend.
– What girlfriend. I have nothing with Carmen.
– You’ve been seeing each other for months. You said you loved her, I heard it.
– That was a lie. I only care about you. I came here
to be with you. You’re the only one who understands me.
– Married people phrases again? No, Santi. You want me to be your
mistress? The other woman! What other woman? I’m here with Carmen
because I’m doing her a favor. And you’re talking about her like that.
Respect both of us! You’re a taken man.
– Taken? I’ll break up with her! I’ll send her to hell!
C’mon, in front of you. What kind of man are you?
You’ll leave your girlfriend before the wedding? What wedding are you talking about! I have
nothing with her and I want nothing with her! She can go to hell!
– Santiago… I felt something nice for you. And you disappointed me.
You’ve destroyed all the nice feelings. Stop hitting on me.
It’s over. Damn! Tell me, Fiti.
What’s up, Santi? How’s it going? She dumped me. – How when you weren’t
even together? I’m calling because Diego asked me to.
Some rumors got to him… I mean, about Carmen and Cuenca.
– What did you tell him? What could I tell him? I told him
only about Carmen. Are you crazy? Why are you telling
him that? – The line is cutting. Talk to you later. Bye. What’s up… You’re worried. Your mom is like Schumacher.
She accelerates in a second. But let me tell you something…
She’s regretting it already. She can say that. She can apologize.
– I’m not doing that. Raul son, listen to me.
That girl is not for you. What’s the matter with you?
You’re going to tell me who’s right for me? Don’t choose my girls and clothes.
I don’t even need your food. Come… Enlighten me, I don’t get it. You’re the mother-in-law from the
book. Old story. You don’t like your son’s girlfriend.
You’re jealous. Your kid is a grown man. And now Africa is there to fulfill his
caprice and choose his clothes.
. Don’t be stupid, Fiti.
– Same thing with everyone. My mom with you. “I don’t like
this girl. She’s edgy…” She even said you weren’t pure.
– Don’t compare me to your mother. She used to bring you milk in bed
until you were 20. What’s bad about that?
– You don’t get it. I heard that girl say horrible
things about him. Horrible? Like what?
– That he’s an idiot, immature… Honey, easy… aren’t you saying
that to me every day? You don’t get it. She said she was going to
humiliate him in front of everyone. That he’ll look like an idiot in front of the school.
That she’ll humiliate him. Listen to me. Africa’s a girl Raul chose.
If he wants her, you should support him.
Parents should help. Or what happens in the end?
You lose him. And you made the first step.
If you’re not careful, you’ll never see him again.
It’s up to you. – Okay. Maybe I overreacted.
Maybe I need to mature. Speaking of this, your mother said
I wasn’t pure? Don’t listen to that. Look, they invented
a split frying pan. C’mon! Get out of bed.
– If you really think I’ll move, you’re more stupid than I thought.
Sleep on the floor. I’ll just lay down a bit, I’m tired. Hand where I can see them.
– You’re not my type. I suffered enough for this one. So old and so stupid. God, it’s out of control.
– You’re right. It would be easier if I told the truth,
now I got you into this mess too. I have my fair share in this too.
– Yes, but this means a lot to me. You helped me a lot. If there’s anything
I can do to repay you… You know what Carmen.
I already have feelings for a person from here.
-You fell in love with my friend? Do you think I’m a monster? No. It’s Lourditas.
I came here to be with her. But she thinks there’s something
serious between us. And because of her jealousy, I lost her.
– Inadmissible. You have to tell her everything.
– I did. But she doesn’t get it. I’m upset. I need to smoke.
– Santiago… You can’t smoke in the hotel.
Don’t make problems. Either I smoke one or I’ll burst. We’ll get in trouble on top of
everything. – Damn it. Is it the receptionist? Do they have
hidden cameras? – I don’t think so. Hold this. Diego, what are you doing here?
– Santi… We know what’s going on here.
Open the door. – No. Open that door for your own good. Diego!
– It’s not what it looks like. Don’t imagine things.
– They did it. My brother and your mother did it. Come here!
Go to her. Santi, what are you doing with my
mother-in-law? This thing with Carmen was a favor. She asked me, what could I’ve done. You always say how we should do favors
for our family. – But not this! You’re immoral, wicked!
You’re a grandmaphile! – No, Diego. I did it out of love.
– No, Santi! You’re doing it for money. Even though you’re loaded.
You’re a bastard. A gigolo! Cheap and stupid.
– What are you talking about? I love Lourditas. Lourditas?
– Yes. This thing with grandma is fake. What did you think, that your
mother-in-law and I… Who do you think I am, a sicko? I understand you’ve been a widow for years.
– What’s with the pep-talk? Yes, you’ve been a widow for years, you’re
young, with needs. I understand Santi seemed attractive
in his own way. But maybe you felt some attention too. But mom… That’s not okay. No mom, because… You’re family. And that’s not attention. No, it’s what it is. If people are doing it,
it is what it is. Lucia, I… – And not to mention the money.
You only have your pension, and that costs a lot.
Mom ,one night is ok, but you’ve been seeing each other longer.
– Done. Okay, it’s done. That’s right, it cost a lot
and we stopped. Are you at peace now?
-Yes. Good morning kids.
– How was Cuenca? Calming. – Unbelievable. You wouldn’t
believe. I’ll go change. I’ll come with you. What’s up?
How’s the test coming along? – Good. And you, Tete? How’s the expert’s help?
– Well… Diego, I was thinking that you could buy a bike to whoever passes. Yes dad, yes.
– How? Well… okay. Who passes gets a bike.
– Dad, I want a bike too. I want a motorbike.
– Let me explain. You have good grades, the two of them fail. Good grades, no award.
Bad grades, yes. So logical Diego. Gille… do you remember the answer?
– Yes. They meet at 531 km
outside of Barcelona. – Yes. We checked the map and it’s in Oriuela. Where do the cars meet? At Oriuela.
– The answer should me a number. Yes, actually, that thing with km is good, but that’s for bad students.
You expand your answer. Honey! What’s up…One car goes from Barcelona at
40 km/h, and the other one…
Where do they meet if there’s
873 km to Barcelona?/i>Where do the cars meet?
In Oriuela.
Finish up, time’s up.The answer should be a number.
– Yes, actually,
that km thing is good,
but that’s for bad students.
But you write Oriuela, and that
will be the correct answer.
Kids, hand over the tests. I know who’s getting a new bike.
– That’s enough, Tete. Gille, now you. It can’t be!
Who crossed over Oriuela? I did everything I could.
– Don’t worry, it won’t be like this. Yes? Um… we came to make a complaint
because of the result. – Diego… We know our rights Lucia.
– I’m not here as your husband, but as his dad.
– C’mon, let me take a look again. Where’s the problem?
– The cars. It’s a mistake. No, this is a wrong answer.
– No, no, the answer is good. Read the question.
– Oriuela. Bad. The answer is 531 km from Barcelona.
– That’s what I wanted to hear. And what city is 531 km
from Barcelona? Oriuela. This is a math test.
A number is the answer. The question is clear. Where do they meet?
– Math is about assumptions that the cars would meet,
and where do they meet? – In Oriuela. You can see it clearly here. 100 km here, 100 more here. 40 of the slower one… And where do they meet? In Oriuela.
– Kid answered correctly. He didn’t write the km but the city.
That’s worth the praise. This is the top mark answer. Okay, I wouldn’t want to damage you… Passed.
– Passed! Yes! Although I’m pretty surprised,
how could Gille know about Oriuela. Geography is his thing.
– Finally a new bike! Who said new? Used.
– It’s enough that it’s spinning. We’ll talk about this.
– Goodbye teacher. I thought we could go to dinner or
cinema. If you want to. There’s a nice movie about Civil War. – Sure. Rafa, are you married?
– Me honey? No way. I’m and saving myself for you .
-Okay then. Dinner, movies, whatever you want!
– It’ll be romantic. Santi… what are you doing here? Diego. If I see him… What’s with the flowers?
– Oh yeah… For Carmen, right?
– Yes. We’re supposed to meet. You see how you love her?
Eh, Santi… You men sometimes…
Indecisive like kids. Good thing I didn’t give in last night. Here you go.
– And that? Because you’re beautiful. Translation:
Jovana Jasovic


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    The speed of the first car from Barcelona is 70km/h and the second car from Malaga drives at a speed of 40km/h. They drive a total distance of 1196km.

    First we will count how long it takes the two cars to meet each other (x):




    Thus they will meet at,

    70km/h x 10.8727h

    ≈ 761km from Barcelona and ≈434km from Malaga

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