Trump’s Secretive Hospital Trip Fuels Speculation About His Health

Trump’s Secretive Hospital Trip Fuels Speculation About His Health


( LAUGHTER )
NOT ALL THE NEWS THIS WEEKEND WAS ABOUT IMPEACHMENT. NOT ALL THE NEWS THIS WEEKEND
WAS ABOUT IMPEACHMENT. ON SATURDAY, THE PRESIDENT MADE
AN UNSCHEDULED TRIP TO THE HOSPITAL. THE SECRETIVE NATURE OF THE
VISIT PROMPTED A LOT OF SPECULATION. WHO KNOWS THE REAL REASON, BUT
TRUMP WOULDN’T BE THE FIRST PRESIDENT TO HIDE HEALTH ISSUES:
F.D.R. HID POLIO, EISENHOWER HID A HEART ATTACK, AND LINCOLN HID
HIS SECRET SKULL REDUCTION SURGERY. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT’S WHY HE WORE THE HAT. HE HAD THE SURGERY, SO HE HAD TO
WEAR THE HAT TO COVER UP — I DON’T QUITE UNDERSTAND, EITHER. ( LAUGHTER )
I AM SINCERELY RELIEVED TO SAY THAT IT LOOKS LIKE THERE’S
NOTHING WRONG WITH THE PRESIDENT’S HEALTH. I MIGHT NOT BE TRUMP’S BIGGEST
FAN, BUT I DON’T WANT HIM TO LEAVE THE WHITE HOUSE FEET
FIRST. I WANT HANDCUFFS FIRST. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) PRESS SECRETARY STEPHANIE
GRISHAM LATER EXPLAINED THAT TRUMP DECIDED TO GET PARTS OF
HIS PHYSICAL DONE EARLY BECAUSE HE HAD A “FREE WEEKEND” IN
WASHINGTON. OKAY, THAT’S THE SADDEST THING
I’VE EVER HEARD. (AS TRUMP)
“HM, I HAVE THE DAY OFF, I COULD SPEND IT WITH MY CHILDREN? NOT REALLY MY THING. MY WIFE? SHE HATES ME. MY FRIENDS? ALL IN JAIL. AH, I’LL GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND
HAVE THEM STICK ME WITH NEEDLES, JUST TO FEEL SOMETHING.” ( LAUGHTER )
GRISHAM WENT ON, EMPHASIZING THAT TRUMP IS, “HEALTHY AS CAN
BE.” ( LAUGHTER )
OKAY, BUT HOW HEALTHY CAN HE BE? HE’S A 73-YEAR-OLD INSOMNIAC WHO
EATS NOTHING BUT FAST FOOD, WHO’S AFRAID OF STAIRS. (AS TRUMP)
“WATCH OUT FOR STAIRS. THEY’RE LIKE RAMPS WITH TEETH.” IT’S TRUE. ( LAUGHTER )
TRUMP TOOK TO TWITTER TO DEFEND HIS TOTALLY NORMAL SURPRISE
CHECKUP, SAYING HE WENT TO WALTER REED AND “BEGAN PHASE ONE
OF MY YEARLY PHYSICAL.” OKAY, PHYSICALS DON’T HAPPEN IN
PHASES. ( LAUGHTER )
EVERYBODY HAS THEM. I JUST HAD ONE. MY DOCTOR NEVER SAID, “OKAY,
DROP YOUR PANTS, BEND OVER, AND TRY TO RELAX. I’LL BE BACK IN SIX MONTHS.” ( LAUGHTER )
ALL RIGHT? YEP. YEP. ( PIANO RIFF )
STAY THERE. STAY THERE. ( APPLAUSE )
TRUMP FINISHED HIS TWEET WITH, “WILL COMPLETE NEXT YEAR.” ( LAUGHTER )
YES, TRUMP’S FIRST PART OF THE PHYSICAL WAS SUCH A HIT THAT
NEXT YEAR, THEY’RE COMING OUT WITH A SEQUEL:
“COLONOSCOPY 2: 2 BLOCKED 2 SCOPE.” ( LAUGHTER )
WE’VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

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    Michael Hoerig

    I don't care how he leaves the WH as long as he leaves. There has always been something wrong with him, so this is no news. Divine intervention could solve our problem very effectively.

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    Say What?

    Stephanie needs to come up with at least halfway believable lies. Trump wanted to do part of his physical early??? Hahahaha
    Believable? No way. Hilarious? Hell, yes!

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    Al Loomis

    his physical health surpasses his moral health, but death in office followed by demon collection to hell is slightly more likely than obama preceding him. only jimmy carter had any claim to morality in living memory, and he was only good by comparison with the human sludge that normally is the pride of americans.

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    Steve Mercury

    The doctors asked me to visit so I could explain how I leap tall buildings at a single bound, stop a locomotive with my bare hands and best of all, how I fly (on Sudafed).

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    Paul Xavier Mehl

    Did Stephen perhaps miss a word is his delivery? Should it not have been, ' how healthy can, 'can be' , be? I'm just asking?

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    zachery wright

    ….Steve. .I will gladly take trump being carried out feet first…wonder what the crowd size will be when he returns to hell….

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    feral vicar

    I would love to bend Donald Trump over, part his ample cheeks and shove my manhood deep into his brown swamp. After achieving a love-loaf explosion I would survey the mixture of man-essence and old-man booty detritus and proudly announce "ain't that an impeach!". I pray Donald has kept his whoopsie nice, hygienic and godly.
    If I ws an orderly at that hospital I would secretly felch him 🙂

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    jettsoma

    They do the physicals in the WH medical room, so he’s lying.
    Hmmm… 🤔… Maybe he DID have a heart attack! Good excuse to step down without getting his base of basics upset.

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    puckelberry

    If you want a real presidential secret Grover Cleveland had surgery to remove cancer from his mouth/skull and was so terrified of the public finding out that it was done on a boat with everyone sworn to secrecy and delicately performed to keep his moustache intact to prevent any suspicion.

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    amiho gatai

    not only is he a very stable genius, he looks very healthy. the healthiest president in the history of the united states. I mean seriously? a blind child can see the man is a fat slob who wears tight shoes!

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    Greesniel McClaskey

    Mr president decriminalize marijuana before you get impeached or die from stress
    You need new voters and there are thousands of men who can’t get job over pot possession
    Ruin their lives hurt economy
    There is so many good things o look at and you need all the votes you can muster
    Be a famously man in history
    Not this don’t go down in flames fire one up in the way down

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    WildwoodClaire1

    Although Donald Trump's timely expiration might increase the sum total of human happiness, the world seems to be enduring a losing streak and I fully expect Donald to live to be about 150.

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    akio tsutsui

    Preliminary tests indicate POTUS has some form of STD. You don't screw 7.7 billion people and get a clean bill of health.

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    anjairis

    I don't mind him leaving feet first, slap some anklecuffs and other chains on his bloated corpse if it makes you feel better.

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    jeanbchoi

    Stephen is right that Trump wouldn't be the first president to hide something about his health, but the lie his admin came up with is the stupidest I could possibly think of.

    The saddest part is that I'm guessing they used the term "phases" for the lies they'd need to come up with for his future visits concerning whatever is wrong with his (physical) health…

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    Andy Greaves

    Why do Americans choose who is in power by the LEFT or RIGHT? Shouldn't Americans decide their leader on policies? Not Rep or Dem? Seriously?! Trump is not a "stable genius" – he is an idiot and the rest of the world don't trust him or take him seriously! Just because he is a Republican you have to see that he has divided the country and allies do not trust America – the world see's him as a power hungry joke!

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    roxanneworld11

    yeah, i can see that 5x draft dodging @&&hole faking health issues, pretending to be too ill to be impeached.. but even if he was ill, physically, that soulless yahoo, historically, does all he can to refuse testifying, to avoid depositions, etc.. as well as to try & prevent others from doing so..

    that means, what would be the difference?? because, unless he's 6ft. under, the show will still go on!👍

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    David Burnside

    I would like to testify at that circus, bunch of liberal freak's, so are us taxpayers gonna get reimbursed for the money these are chump's are wasting???

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    Andrew C

    His next annual physical will be about 3 weeks later. Just two days after phase 4 and phase 5 of his regular checkup. He's planning on getting a bionic artery strengthening. But it's not the same thing as a stint or angioplasty.

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    Robinson Kaspar

    I think he might be preparing to 25th his way out of office, get a pardon by Pence, and hope like hell the nation is so tired of impeachment that they chase after the next shiny object instead.

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    Khauz

    WH is setting up a cause for early resignation and protection of the remaining actors not already in jail – dementia and the WH was reeling to protect the president from the public and in doing so commited several crimes ranging from bribery, extortion, imbezzelment and ofc obstruction of justice.

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    S Rowe

    "I may not be Trump's biggest fan, but I don't want him leaving the White House 'feet first.' I want 'handcuffs first'." Hah! 👏 🙌

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    Bubbles

    Quid pro quo has shifted to extortion and is now changed to bribery, 2nd 3rd 4th hand information. Twitter is destroying the democrats, Trump released the transcript before the democrats could make up more fake news. Sondland hits a roadblock, he can't remember, no notes, no recollection. . . Barr just opened case against the democrats for Russian collusion, things are getting interesting for Obama and the club, Comey, Clapper, Brennan. . .You won't hear that in the left wing echo chamber.

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    yasowhat lololol

    these evil satanic democrats liberals will do everything in their power to bring the president down! they have NO FEAR NO VALUES NO MORALES NO SHAME! GOD IS WATCHING YOU SATANIC FOLLOWERS! YOU HYPOCRITES

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    Super Shopper

    Colbert is a closet Trumpster.
    No body can talk about another person this much and not secretly want to fk him 🤔

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    Kiichi Yamato

    Trump is obese. He has high cholesterol and high blood pressure. His doctor said that he needed to lose weight. He needed to exercise more and go on a diet or else he will have a heart attack. Also, he needed less stress in his life. If he would quit lying, he would have less stress; and own up to the truth. He should be impeached and removed from office.

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    davescotts

    I have got to believe that a lot of people were hoping that fat ass donnie would croak, the impeachment would end with the full truth revealed, and prison camp commandant pense would fall under a bus.

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    Rob Van Gessel

    Blocking witnesses AND hiding documents from investigators, not to mention defying subpoenas. Obstruction of justice is the most damning evidence of Trump's guilt on all charges. This should be in the impeachment too.

    https://news.yahoo.com/sondland-pressed-on-why-trump-has-blocked-witnesses-i-wish-i-could-answer-225718636.html

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    itgetter9

    In all seriousness, though, trump's colon would probably need about a week to prep for a colonoscopy, if ya know what I mean.

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    Citizen x

    He had to have a whistle removed from his ass apparently mick malveny this is second hand mind you mick got tired of doofus whining about the whistle blower so he shoved a whistle where the sun doesn’t shine that was fine but every time he farted the whistle blew and freaked him out

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    Whip Scorpion

    Here's the scoop: Update: Pence will resign first. Then Trump will appoint Don Jr. as VP. Then Trump resigns for health reasons.

    WELCOME TO HELL.

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